Spoonerville Page 17

Rodney walked into his grandmothers house and literally felt the fear and dread practically fall off his  body as he passed through the front door. He closed the door behind him and realized he could barely remember why he'd been so afraid in the first place.

He dropped his backpack at the foot of the stairs and kicked his shoes off into the pile. The kitchen smelled very much like childhood memories he had been trying to forget. He found his grandmother sitting next to the oven reading Blood Night: Lust. His entrance caused her to look up from her book. "Well how was your first day? I want to hear all about it." She said with a smile as she set her book down and moved her chair over to the small dining room table. Rodney sat across from her and told her everything. It all came out like water freed from a dam.

He told her about his meeting with the vice principal, his history teacher, the T.A. assignment, the fact that he had a crush on his only friend's sister. He wanted to continue but his stomach tightened, like it was fighting revealing the experience by the woods, but, why would he not share that? His grandmother might be able to explain it away, make him feel better about it.

Or she might not believe him. Most people didn't believe in 'intuition', or a 'sixth sense'.

But she had asked, and he had already told her everything else.

His grandmother tried to catch his gaze which had drifted in his silence. "Is there something else?" She asked with genuine concern.

It took all his will power and then some, but he nodded.

Her concern became significantly more intense. :"Do you want to tell me about it?" She asked very seriously.

"I -" He could feel the room closing in on him. He was torn between sharing and running out of the house screaming.

She reached for his hand, and he let her hold it in both of hers. He could feel something gritty on the table, she must has spilled some salt before he had come home.  She stared at him with such intensity he felt exposed. "You can tell me, anything." she emphasized the last word, and he felt more now than ever that he wanted to tell her. He could feel her fingers wiggling slightly as she held his hand. "I will never judge you, or punish you, for talking to me." She rubbed the top of his hand counter clockwise and the pressure in his stomach slowly released. He told her about the parking lot, the walk home, the forest, the rage, the darkness, the cold, and the feeling in his stomach until just now.

By the time he ran out of words she had severed both of their plates and sat down again. Before they started eating she complimented his decision to avoid the tree line and the woods all together.

The rest of dinner was wonderful, afterward he did the dishes and cleaned the table, wiping the salt she had spilled earlier into the kitchen trashcan. He put the hand towel back on the oven handle and went back out to the stairs to grab his back pack and head up stairs to start his homework. The closer he got to the front door the more tension he felt return. He approached his back pack carefully, feeling the darkness and tension creep further and further with each step.

He grabbed his bag and decided that for tonight at least he would do his homework in the kitchen.

Spoonerville: Page 16

Between the two, both Derek and Vivian would say that she was the more attentive. Always had one eye on the perimeter, always tracking the exits. Derek had learned at a young age that his sister was the perfect yin to his yang. Where she had natural paranoia and innate awareness of potential danger, Derek was curious to a fault and automatically assumed that everything would work out for the best. It rarely occurred to him that often his sister was the only reason anything ever worked out in his favor at all.

If they hadn't been arguing with each other on the drive home, maybe she would have noticed the SUV behind them, but they were arguing and she didn't notice it.

She did notice the midnight green Rolls-Royce Phantom perfectly parked in their driveway. The playfully sour attitude she had been giving her brother became deadly seriously in a flash. "Behave yourself" She pointed the car as they cleared the tree line.

Derek saw the car and his smile melted into an emotionless mask. "We've got nothing to worry about." He reassured himself.

Vivian snorted and looked in the rearview mirror. "There's always something worry about Derek."
She parked the car on the empty half of the driveway and the SUV rode to a stop directly behind the Volvo.

Vivian and Derek got out of the Volvo as the professional leg breakers got out of the SUV. Derek flipped them the bird on both hands and got no response. Vivian casually dug the Volvo's key across the pristine paint job of the Phantom.

The Phantom's passenger door opened and an older man with chalk white hair braided in cornrows that fed into a mohawk that trailed down his back. He glared at Vivian though custom sunglasses. "Must you?" He sighed with heavy annoyance.

She raised her hand with the Volvo key taking the place of her middle finger. "Paint for peace of mind Triton, If I don't get mine, you don't get yours." She didn't even look back as she stepped onto the porch.

"Bitch" Triton hissed. Derek stopped admired the damage his sister had done. "Oof, this one is gonna be expensive Toni." He smiled at Triton.

Triton glared at Derek. "Bite me pizza boy."

Derek smiled ear to ear. "That's "Prince Pizza Boy" Thank you very much." He gave an exaggerated curtsey.

"DEREK!" His sister shouted from the porch. "Quit screwing around let's get this over with." She growled and walked into the house.

Derek laughed and followed his sister.

Spoonerville: Page 15

Rodney's walk was longer than he had anticipated. The fence around the football field had already been locked so he had to walk the long way around. It was just past three and the sun was hours from setting but the tree line was tall enough that he had been walking in shade for a while. The wind was picking up and he could hear it the trees, even his noise-canceling headphones couldn't block it out entirely.

It was obvious now that Derek knew how Rodney felt about his sister. He was apparently comfortable enough with the idea to give both of them shit about what appeared to be mutual interest.

He could feel the heat sinking out of his body through his feet and into the ground with each step he took.

It was embarrassing though. The way he made fun of them. It was entirely possible that he was only cracking jokes to hide his discomfort at the idea of his friend and his sister dating.

Rodney zipped up his hoodie and shoved his hands in the pockets.

If it were his sister, he'd be furious. He'd have no way of knowing if his best and only friend was hanging out with him just to spend time with her! And that kind of deception meant they weren't really friends! And if Rodney would kill the imaginary guy dating his imaginary sister then it was logical to assume that Derek was planning to kill him, and Rodney couldn't allow that.

Rodney was still in the shade of the tree line, and he had begun to veer toward it as he continued walking. The concept of killing Derek so he could be with Vivian consequence-free had ensnared him. He did a one-eighty and began to walk back in the direction he had come from, continuing to veer closer to the tree line.

He couldn't guarantee that killing Derek would go off without a hitch. There were several things to consider, the most pressing was that once he had successfully killed the jailor of his eternal love he would have to dispose of the body. But if Vivian truly loved him she would be an ally in solving the problem of the body and any others that came up along the way. Such was the power and dedication of true love.

He had doubled back again walking towards his grandmother's house. He was coming close to the edge of the tree line and about to pull another one-eighty when he tripped over his own two feet and fell past the shade of the treeline and into the warmth of the sun. He picked himself up and dusted himself off and could remember the absolute determination he had just felt to murder his best friend.

The chill of the shade returned, this time with him standing fully in the warmth of the sun and he knew without out a doubt that he had made two very important decisions.

The first was that he would never tell anyone what had just gone through his mind.

The second was that he would never, ever, walk the tree line again.

He turned back towards his grandmother's house and tried to remain calm, but found himself sprinting to her door before he could even think of walking.

Spoonerville: Page 14

The rest of Rodney's first day was fairly uneventful. Vivian had her TA period to close out the day while the boys had P.E. Neither Rodney or Derek were any good at basketball which left them little to be excited about for the next month.

The final bell rang and the parking lot flooded with kids. Rodney was on his way out of the gum when his phone buzzed. It was a text from his grandmother.

[Tuna noodle casserole for dinner tonight, so don't make any plans with your friends. During the school year Monday and Wednesday are family dinner night.]

[Sounds good to me.]

Derek appeared next to Rodney as he was sending off his reply. "Down for some GoldenEye tonight?" He asked.

Rodney shook his head. "I can tonight. Gran's imposing family dinner nights on Monday and Wednesday." He explained.

Derek nodded. "Sweet! That leaves us the 'Za days to hang out." He said with a smile.

"'Za days?" Rodney asked.

Derek nodded. "Yeah, Tue 'Za Day, and Thur 'Za Day" He laughed at his terrible joke.

Rodney shook his head. "See the problem is you're not even ashamed."

Derek shrugged as the exited the building. "Geniuses rarely are." He boasted with a puffed up chest.

The parking lot was beginning to empty out. Vivian was leaning against the driver side door of the Volvo playing with her phone. She pocketed it as the boys approached. "Great." She sighed looking them over. "Sweaty boys, just what the leather interior needed." She groaned.

Rodney shook his head. "Your car is partially spared. I'm walking home." He confirmed while jutting his thumb at the worn out football field behind him and the more worn out houses beyond.

Vivian opened the driver's side door and unlocked the passenger side so her brother could get in the car. "You sure?" She asked.

Rodney nodded. "I've been nonexistent around the house the last few weeks. Gran wants to build a family tradition."

Vivian nodded but didn't get in the car. "Well," she paused. "Tell her I said hi, and you to enjoy yourselves." She said with a soft smile.

Derek lowered his window enough to stick his head out. "Just make out already!" He yelled at both of them.

Vivian and Rodney blushed at the same moment and Vivian broke eye contact to jam her finger into the 'window up' button on her door handle. Her brother was cackling like a hyena and pulled his head back in just quick enough to barely avoid getting trapped by the rising window. When she looked back in Rodney's direction he had already started for his grandmother's house and was waving in her direction without looking back.

Spoonerville: Page 10

And that's how Rodney spent the last two weeks of summer break. Eating pizza and playing video games. He didn't know it at the time but it was easily the longest period of normalcy in Spoonerville in years, and before he could even really begin to appreciate it, it was over. The school year started on Monday.

The spoonerville education system consisted of exactly three hundred and thirteen kids in grades K through twelve. Putting about twenty three kids in each grade. These kids had grown up together from birth in most cases. They knew each other intensely and as they got older, intimately. So when someone left it was like a death in the family, and when someone new arrived it was cause for celebration, mostly.

Social ecosystems are delicate, living things with a thousand moving parts. Change any one previously existing variable and you risk throwing a stable system into chaos. Add and entirely new set of variables and you guarantee chaos. Good administrators spend their career fighting against the eternal flood of chaos with everything they have. Great administrators ride the chaos like a wave, reaching out to touch the water here an there to balance out an uneven swell. They don't fight the tide, they just direct it so it reaches land safely and with as little incident as possible.

Marcus Spooner  High School consisted of a gym that they shared with Alicia Spooner elementary and what looked like a squat beige one story office building. Derek had already explained the basics of the social ecosystem to Rodney. There were one hundred and twenty one students in the high school, Rodney was one hundred and twenty two. Even in a school this small cliques still existed, just in smaller numbers.

Rodney lived less than a quarter mile from the school and there were no buses for him to ride. He had plannned on just walking to school until Derek and Vivian offered to pick him up in the morning. They were finishing up a game of Mario Party the night before.

"Why bother?" Rodney asked. "I like like, maybe three hundred yards from the school, save your gas." He replied.

Derek shook his head. "Just ride with us, it's your first day." He insisted.

"It'll be fuuuuuuun." Vivian sang in a teasing tone.

The mini game ended and Rodney shrugged. "Sure, why not." He gave in.

The next morning he paced nervously in the entry way of his grandmothers house and hated himself for it. His crush on Vivian had only gotten worse and she seemed to know almost instantly about the power he had subconsciously given her. Thankfully neither of them had spoken about this power exchange out loud and so they continued their silent one way tug of war.

The Volvo pulled up and Derek honked the horn to summon Rodney outside. He practically dove into the back seat. "Morning" he offered, shutting the back door of the car. "What's that smell?" he asked.

Derek laughed and Vivian poked at a green pouch hanging from the rear view mirror. "Burnt sage, dipped in patchouli oil." She explained before turning around to smile sweetly at him. "You a fan of the Grateful Dead?" She asked.

He knew of the band but couldn't remember actually ever hearing any of their songs and he said as much.

Derek shook his head as he pulled into the school parking lot. "You'll know more than you ever wanted to" He pointed his thumb at his sister. "Thanks to her. She's a dead head, through and through." He parked the car and pulled the keys.

Rodney moved for the door but Derek stopped him. He held out a heavy iron key. "Here, take this." he offered. "It's my emergency key to the pizza place." He explained.

Rodney accepted they key and looked it over. There was a thin line of silver inlaid into the fat iron head. "Why do I need a key to the pizza place?" He asked.

Derek smiled. "You probably won't. But I can't be awake and in town 24/7, so if you don't mind I was going to put you down as the emergency contact for the store." He explained. Rodney looked back at they key again, sensing its weight even more now. "If you're ok with that." Derek repeated.

Rodney snapped out of his daze and nodded. "Yeah, it's cool, thanks." He replied.

Vivian opened her door and got out of the car, the boys followed her lead. 

Spoonerville: Page 9

Rodney was pulled into the space between dreams and consciousness by the alarm on his phone. Part of his mind was awake enough to realize the buzzing noise was not a part of the surfing competition he had just won and was successfully dragging the rest of him back to the waking world.

He reached out clumsily for his phone and tapped the screen until the alarm stopped. He looked at the screen to see that it wasn't an alarm and he had just typed [7is57;o.;] to Derek on Facebook Messenger.

[what the heck is that?] popped up

Rodney looked at their conversation so far.

[Gauntlet Legends and breakfast pizza, you in?]
[Rodney, Red Warrior needs food badly]
[Dude I'm dying over here]
[Is this annoying yet?]
[How 'bout now]
[Now?]
                                                           [7is57;o.;]
[What the heck is that?]

Rodney shook his head and typed out his reply. [You did't say you were a morning person] sent it off, dropped his phone on the bed and began to scrounge around for a clean shirt. He had considered doing laundry last night but it was still summer, even if the weather in the state denied that fact with every fiber of it's being, he still had a few blessed weeks before school started. The only reason he could think of to wear truly clean clothes was to try and impress Vivian and he wasn't ready to look that obvious yet. His phone beeped as he pulled a Warcraft shirt on that didn't have any stains.

[Does it count as 'morning person' if I haven't slept yet?]

Rodney shook his head. [Oh great. Does this mean you're going to pass out sometime this afternoon and I will get to make my very own garbage pizza?] He replied as he stepped into his shoes. He dumped his phone into the pocket of his jeans and grabbed his jacket off the hook and slid into it and left the house.

His pocket beeped down the block. [A; Not passing out any time soon according to 5 hour energy]

Rodney's fingers flew over his phone screen [five hours from now is still only two this afternoon.]

the reply was near instant. [oh sure, if you wanna be a wuss and only drink one.]

Rodney sighed [and how many have you had?]

[let's see...carry the one...enough to stay awake for forty hours]

Rodney laughed out loud, alone, on the street. [I don't think it works like that.]

[if one gives you five hours of energy then eight should keep you awake for a like a day and a half. That's not marketing, that's basic math.]

Rodney groaned and typed his reply. [You do know there's a limit to how long the human body can stay conscious for right?] he sent it off.

[you are assuming I am human] came the reply.

[dude even superman sleeps!] He replied without thinking.

[prove it!]

[what are you trying to do anyway? become so caffeinated that you vibrate into a different dimension?] he asked waiting for the light to turn green so he could cross the street.

[Got it in one] came the reply.

Rodney dropped his phone into his jacket pocket and hurried the last fifty feet to the pizza shop and pulled the door open making the bell ring.

Spoonerville: Page 8

Derek and Vivian didn't live in the middle of nowhere because Spoonerville was the middle of nowhere and their house was a 9 minute drive from outside the Spoonerville city limits. And when you're in the middle of nowhere, nine minutes is a long drive.

Paved state roads gave way to to private gravel four minutes outside of town. The design philosophy of the entire state centered around building into and around the wilderness so their private gravel road was a roller coaster of curves and turns.

The house didn't appear until the last second. IT was designed to blend into it's surroundings that way. Once you saw it though, it slowly began to betray the secrets of its own elegance. The longer you looked at it the beautiful it became.

Vivian pulled into the paved driveway and into the open section of their three car garage. She hit the button to close the garage door and shut the car off. They got out of the car in silence and went into the house.

Derek took off his backpack and dropped it by the door. He hung his jacket up and dropped his keys on a shelf above his bag at the same time his sister deposited her keys and purse. The walked down the short entry hallway, through the kitchen and into the living room to a huge double set of sliding glass doors. Behind the glass doors was an Olympic size swimming pool, complete with a waterfall, small beach, and a giant sun lamp that kept the room around 80 degrees. The pool room had no windows and from the outside appeared to be a giant hill behind the house.

The siblings stripped down to the swimsuits they had on under there clothes. Derek was a storm of flying fabric until he hit the water. Vivian leaned against the wall and lifted her right boot off the ground and pulled the zipper down until the boot practically dropped off her foot, revealing a shimmering fin on the outside of her leg. It started just below her knee, and ended just above her ankle and hand a wide range of flexibility to open and close. She took her left boot off and revealed her other fin and flexed it and rolled her ankle. Without further delay she dove into the pool and dolphin kicked the entire length of the pool twice before returning to the surface.

Her brother was already sunning himself on the beach. his fins spread all the way out. "There's no place like home" He said smiling at her.

Spoonerville: Page 7

It wasn't a long walk for Rodney to get home so his Grandmother was still up puttering around the house. He hand't known her for long, in fact he had only learned of her existence after his parents had died. They had been living together for almost a month and he found her to be as cool as any old person could be. She volunteered at the local library, listened to current music and even had a pretty decent computer in her home. He still wasn't super familiar with her, but after a month he was beginning to wonder why his parents never mentioned her.

He kicked his shoes off by the front door and hung his jacket on the coat rack. She came out of of the kitchen with a kitchen towel over her shoulder. "And where have you been all day and night?" She asked with a smile.

She followed him into the living room as he told her about his day. "I found the pizza place. Vivian's brother works there." He said assuming that she would know which Vivian he was talking about.

His grandmother nodded. "He doesn't just work there, he owns it." She replied.

Rodney grabbed the remote for the TV and dropped into the couch. surprised by her statement. "There's no way he owns that place grandma." He said.

She sat in her ancient recliner. "And what makes you say that?" She asked.

Rodney shrugged his shoulders. "If I were him and I owned that place, i'd be a nervous wreck and worrying about going of out business." He replied.

Grandma shook her head. "Well you ain't him. He and his sister are "independently wealthy"" She held her hands up putting air quotes around independently wealthy for Rodney's benefit.

He nodded. "They dot com'ers?" He asked flipping through channels.

Grandma shrugged. "No clue, for all the good this town's near supernatural gossip powers can do, their story is one that we've yet to uncover." she sighed.

Rodney's curiosity was piqued. "Supernatural gossip powers?" The words didn't fit any better in his mouth than they did his ears.

Grandma nodded. " You'll get used to it. Secrets in this town have a habit of becoming well known facts." She warned. "The more you want something to stay private, the quicker people seem to know all about it." She sighed. "Stay here long enough and you just stop fighting it. Everyone's lives are a matter of public record in Spoonerville." She finished.

Rodney considered this instead of listening to the souless delivery of brainless dialog to the endless delight of the laugh box that filled every episode of "The Big Bang Theory."

Spoonerville: page 6

They had added Vivian to Mario Kart once the pizza was done cooking and she turned out to be way better than either of them, she also enjoyed pointing it out. By the time they reached Rainbow Road she was far and away ahead of both of them combined.

Rodney got knocked off the course by a chomp chomp for the third time “So, how do you know my grandmother?” He asked while he waited for the cloud turtle to fish him back onto the track.

Vivan finished the race and dropped her controller onto the table In front of the TV. “We work at the library together.” She answered while standing up to stretch.

An alarm sounded on Derek’s phone. He stood up as well and shut the alarm off. “Whelp, another successful day.” He said without even a hint of sarcasm as he went back out into the restaurant.

Rodney scoffed. “You had two customers.” He said grabbing his jacket and following Derek back into the main building.

Derek nodded and locked the front door. “In this town you can’t measure success by the amount of money that you make.” He clarified, shut off the pizza sign and flipped the open/closed sign over.

Rodney nodded with a dopey smile. “Is it me? Was friendship the secret to success all along?” he faked a bashful shrug.

Dereck laughed. “Yup, you never needed the balet slippers at all! The magic was in you the whole time!” He carried the joke.

Rodney’s phone pinged a few times. He checked it. “While I appreciate the boost to my self-confidence, I gotta jet.” He said.

Vivan came out of the back room. “Awe, don’t like us anymore?” She asked.

Rodney shook his head. “Not even close, my grandmother bought a cell phone, and learned not only to text but to use Facebook for the express purpose of making sure I come home by nine o’clock every night.” He explained as he dropped his phone back in his pocket. “So unless you plan on murdering me and using me for pizza toppings, I gotta go make sure she doesn’t have a heart attack.” He looked at the front door. “That statement was genuinely less scary before I realized you just locked the front door.” He said flatly.

Vivan stepped up behind Rodney. “Derek, how many times have I told you to stop telling your victims about your plans in advance?” She asked.

Derek shrugged. “So I’ll order more sausage, sue me!” He playfully snapped. He held up his keys. “Come on employee entrance is in the back of the kitchen.” He smiled putting Rodney at ease. Derek and Vivian led him through the kitchen. Her big black knee high boots echoed off the walls. “So obviously you’re welcome by any time. We’re open 9am to 9pm.” Derek explained.

Rodney nodded. “Considering the fact that you two are the first normal people I’ve met in this town I’ll prolly be around a lot.” He said with a smile as they exited out the back of the shop.

Vivian shook her head. “We’re less normal than you think.” She said as Derek locked the door behind him.

Rodney nodded. “Almost everyone is, but your store isn’t covered in Blood Night posters and you play a mean game of Mario Kart so I’ll take my chances.” He replied specifically to her.

They shared and awkward moment of silence before Derek playfully punched Vivian. “ No! Bad sister! My friend! Shoo! Shoo! Get your own!” He grabbed her and turned her away from Rodney and then turned to look over his shoulder. “Have a good night man, see you tomorrow.” He said with a smile.

Rodney nodded, turned and waved without looking back. 

Spoonerville: Page 5

By the time the Pizza was ready Derek and Rodney were deep into a Grand Prix on Mario Kart. They paused long enough to get the pizza out of the oven and refill sodas but then it was back to the intense rivalry that had become very important in the last twenty minutes.

Well into their eleventh race the counter bell rang. “Derek quit playing your stupid games! I’m hungry!” A woman’s voice forced its way into the back room.

Derek paused the game and got out of his ancient bean bag chair. Rodney got up as well and followed him out. “About time lazy. How do you afford this place? I never see anyone in here other than me.” She asked as Derek made his way into the back. “Is this a mob front?” She asked.

Derek laughed as he worked the dough for her pizza. Rodney looked up from the soda he had just finished. He and the girl noticed each other for the first time. She pointed at him. “I’m your only friend and amazon doesn’t sell people so who the hell is this?” She asked Derek.

Normally Rodney wouldn’t have been able to utter a word, girls were not his strong suit. The counselor he had been seeing at his previous school said he was painfully shy. Rodney felt more like he was painfully a dumbass. So he was as surprised as anyone when he stuck his hand out and introduced himself. “Rodney, actual human resident of Spoonerville.” He said with a dopey smile.

She took his hand and tried not to laugh. “Vivian Brooks.” She said with a smile. “And just because you live here doesn’t mean he didn’t order you out of a Russian catalog.” She pulled a straw out of its paper wrapper. “You know you’re free to leave at any time right? You’re in America now.” She said as she threw the crumpled up straw wrapper into the kitchen. “He can’t keep you here against your will!” She yelled so Derek could hear her as he worked.

Rodney shook his head. “I don’t think Russian mail order does husbands.” He said laughing. He walked around the counter and filled his cup. “You want?” he asked.

She shook her head and pulled a flask out of her tiny purse. “So Rodney, actual human resident.” She took a drink. “What brings you to Spoonerville?” She raised an eyebrow.

He shrugged. “You’d think with all the free time I’ve had the last week, I would have come up with a better story than the real one.” He said with a smile.

She shook her head. “Nah, stick with the truth, even if it sucks.” She replied.

He shrugged again. “Parent’s died in a car crash and I got shipped here to live with my grandmother.” He admitted quickly.

She nodded. “So you’re old lady Edgar’s grandson.” She said.

He nodded. There was silence for a moment. Vivian stuffed her flask back into her purse. “Bummer about your parents.” She said finally. Rodney nodded and fidgeted with his cup.

Derek stuck his head out of the kitchen. “Jalapeno’s or no?” he asked.

She looked at Rodney. “Are we interested in hot and spicy this evening?” She asked bluntly.

Rodney’s chin dropped an inch and no sound came out of his mouth.

Derek threw a towel at Vivian. “Leave him alone Viv, thanks to him I’m one more customer closer to my millionth customer celebration!” He said ducking back into the kitchen.

She caught and folded the towel nicely. “Yeah, only nine hundred thousand nine hundred and ninety eight more to go!” She yelled back.

Spoonerville: Page 4

Rodney had been living in Spoonerville for exactly seven days. And in the week that he had been there he had learned a lot. He had learned that he could leisurely walk from one side of town to the other in exactly thirty two minutes. Less if he caught both stop lights on green. He had learned more that the town had taken the popularity of the Blood Night series to heart and the stores that were still open were geared towards, hunting, fishing, and Blood Night. He had never paid attention to Blood Night before he moved in with his Grandmother and now that he was here everywhere he looked was Black and Red, fur and fangs, Spoons and Forks.

The local Library had a reading group where they discussed each chapter of each book and when they finished all three books they started over again often with the same people in the reading groups. There was a tiny local theater that had done so many different stage adaptations of all three Blood Night Books that their wall of past shows was nothing but Blood Night performances. Every shop, every restaurant, every gas station had signs declaring their allegiance. Team Alphonse or Team Spencer. He had even seen that in the previous years of the high school the fictional characters had been voted prom king and prom queen.

He Hated Spoonerville with a passion and he had only been there for seven days. He had tried to get a job but no one in spoonerville was hiring, he didn’t have a car of his own so traveling to the nearest town wasn’t an option and his Grandmother didn’t have cable, even worse she didn’t have internet, so he had resorted to spending his time wandering through town hoping against hope to find someplace that didn’t suck.

That place turned out to be Joe’s Pizza. He had stopped there on his second day in town in the middle of his third timed walk across town. He gave up on beating his record of twenty nine minutes and walked across the empty street to check the place out. It instantly became his favorite place when he got close enough to the front door to see the index card taped to the door that said [Free Wifi with the purchase of…anything really, PSW: #BN5UKS].

The place was deserted but he had pretty much decided that unless the owner was a creepy pervert that it had become his new favorite place. There was a colorful sign taped to a bell that said [I can’t hear you over the N64. Ring Bell Loudly] So he did, twice.

The door behind the counter opened up and an unshaven guy in his mid to late twenties stuck his head out. “Oven’s not even on man, you in a rush?” he asked.

Rodney shook his head. “If I was then I wouldn’t be in Spoonerville.” He answered.

The guy gave a wide grin and nodded. “Right on! My name’s Derek I’ll be right out dude.” He stuck his head back in and Rodney could hear him un pause the video game and finish his level. Rodney grabbed the nearest stool and sat at the bar. Closest to the cash register. He pulled out his phone and set himself up on the wifi, able to check on the life he had left behind when he came to Spoonerville. His Facebook profile was a never ending stream of condolences and well wishes on his new life in this dirt hole, middle of nowhere village of forgotten tween romance. He closed Facebook and opened up Reddit to see what his friends were saying about the new rule set for star pilots, a board game he was sure no one in this town had ever heard of. The timing of his move had forced him to miss the most recent regional qualifier and he was pretty sure that he was no longer going to be a part of the professional scene considering the nearest regional tournament had already happened and was in a town almost four hours away.

He had gotten so lost in reading about his game that he completely Missed Derek coming out and firing up the pizza oven. “Hey buddy, what can I get you?” He asked.

Rodney pulled his mind out of his phone. “I feel like it’s a dick move to order slices when you’d have to make an entire pizza to do it.” He said.

Derek shook his head. “Either I’ll eat it over the next few days or someone else comes in and orders stuff anyway, don’t hold back on my account.” He assured him.

Rodney nodded. “Cool, I’ll take two slices of pepperoni, and an orange soda if you got it.” He said.

Derek nodded around the corner to the back wall of the shop. “Sodas are back there, help yourself. Two slices of pepperoni coming up!” He went back into the kitchen as Rodney filled his cup.

Spoonerville: Page 3

In the books and the movies Quora beach was a rocky, cold mess of unfriendly land that looked nothing at all like the coast lines that had made California famous. In reality, Quora beach was the catcher’s mitt for all the rage the ocean could throw at it. Denielle pulled into the parking area which consisted of two rows of parking. A few years earlier a raging winter storm moved the beach head back a hundred feet, covering half the original parking lot with beach sand and gravel. The beach was a combination of stones, rocks, boulders, and entire ancient dead trees.

She parked the car and felt safe seeing that there were a half dozen other cars in the lot. She passed the bathrooms to walk down the trail that led her through a heavily cleared part of the forest to an open area where beach access was significantly safer than the parking area. The tide was on its way out and while she couldn’t see much in the way of waves on the water she could hear them crashing in the distance.

The books had made the cloud cover of the pacific northwest famous and she had expected clouds, what she had not been prepared for was the thick layer of formless gray that blanketed the sky without detail. Beneath the blanket of nothingness there were a few clouds here or there but with less than five minutes on the beach she fully understood why seasonal depression was a part of life for many who live in Washington.

She sloughed off the incoming blah’s and pulled her cell phone out to take pictures of the giant tower like island off to her left. It stood out of the ocean like a super villain’s lair and its creepy beauty mesmerized her. She got lost in playing with filters and angles until somewhere around her fifteenth photo the laughter of children playing on the beach somewhere behind her brought her attention back. She pocketed her phone and turned to walk further down the beach but was shocked to find herself alone.

The beach was mostly small rocks and stones so there were no footprints to hint at their location but the laughter had also gone silent.

She glanced up at down the beach and the tree line and saw no one else within eye sight. Then for the first time she noticed that for as far down the tree line that she could see every mostly ocean exposed tree had long since died and been stripped bare of all life. The forest was buffered by a barrier wall of arboreal bones. The darkness that consumed the forest not much further beyond the barrier wall was probably perfectly natural but she could no longer ignore the feelings  of dread encroaching into her conscious mind. She turned back south toward the parking lot and looked along the tree line for the sign marking the path that would lead her back to her car.

She felt the ocean air cutting at her skin like a razor and hunched her shoulders against the sea spray that had been carried by the shifting wind. Somewhere behind her there was more laughter, she ignored the instinct to flee and turned to end the game these children were playing with her.

They weren’t children.

The ocean was capable of tossing ancient trees and giant boulders on a regular basis, so by the time the group of hikers returned to their car early the next morning, there was less than nothing left of the bloody hollowed out mess that used to be Denielle.

Spoonerville: Page 2

Denielle knew almost everything there was to know about her trip, she knew that she was landing at SeaTac airport. A name that literally meant “We are in between Seattle and Tacoma and couldn’t think of a better name”. She knew that Starbucks had originated in the State but most ‘true’ coffee drinkers considered it at best a last resort.  She knew the kind of car she was driving, the fact that I-5 freeway went north and south, west of that was water, east of it was mountains. She knew she would be taking her white Camry on a Ferry in order to drive another two and a half hours where she would arrive at the legendary town of Spoonerville.

The drive itself was really quite beautiful. Denielle had lived in Chicago for all but her college years and the way everyone built their homes and towns into the wilderness really spoke to her. Still there weren’t many places on earth that remained interesting after 2.5 hours of driving, the trees were beautiful but they were just trees.

The “Welcome to Spoonerville” sign was the first thing she saw and she pulled over immediately. She knew the sign they had made for the movie was actually smaller and less impressive than the real welcome sign for the town, a fact enjoyed by many of the Spoonerds. Taking your photo at the REAL “Welcome to Spoonerville” sign was considered a rite of passage for most of them.

She parked the car on the side of the road about fifty feet away from the sign, grabbed her cellphone and made her way to the sign. The movie sign was held up by two smallish wooden posts and was about five or six feet off the ground, and about five feet wide and four feet high. The real sign was maybe four feet off the ground, easily ten feet wide and ten feet high lit by lamps at night. She walked up to the sign and tried to find the right selfie angle to catch it and her in the same shot, which wouldn’t have been a problem if Quentin hadn’t been such a bastard. She took several pictures before she had one she was happy with.

She pulled up Facebook without thinking and the app let her know that she had no cell signal and no wifi in range. She sighed heavily and shoved her phone in her hoodie pocket and made her way back to the car. She’d post the selfie once she stopped for lunch. She got back into her car and saw the road sign letting her know that Quora beach was only nine miles away. Something in her mind liked the idea of seeing the ocean and that lunch could wait. She checked the clock on her phone and it was earlier than she thought, she had made good time.  She could feel the devil on her shoulder telling her that she never did anything impulsive and to live a little, the town would be there in an hour and she could have lunch just as easily then.

She started the car, threw it into reverse and turned right to head for the beach where the characters went surfing in the books.

Spoonerville: Page 1

Denille had been a massive fan of the Blood Night series since the first book was published over ten years ago. She had signed copies of Blood Night, Blood Night: Hunt, and Blood Night: Lust. She would have a signed copy of Blood Night: Love, but the author, Geraldine Moore had unfortunately canceled her appearance at the national fan convention, BN:SF ’15. It hadn’t bothered her at the time however because Blood Night: Spoons and Forks was where she Met Quentin Todd. While he wasn’t a fan of the series his little sister was and he had taken her to every BNSF since it began in ’07.

She and Quentin hit it off almost instantly. They lived in the same city and had a natural chemistry that made her feel good. They moved in together just after BN:SF’ 16, and she found him in bed with her best friend the first night of BN:SF’ 17. He had had a ‘cold’ which he was going to try and sleep off so he could join her and his sister for day two. She had dropped his sister at his parents place and come home early because his sister wasn’t feeling well either and discovered his highly questionable cold fighting method.

Newly single, and free of a best friend Denille decided to take a trip she had been dreaming of since the first time she read Moore’s wonderfully quaint descriptions of Spoonerville. She had plenty of vacation accrued at work and had a savings account she had been building up just for this trip, which she had fully planned out every single detail of within thirty six hours of leaving BN:SF ’11. It was her first BN:SF and while she had loved the books, she had never considered herself a super fan until that year. Her trip notebook was buried in a box she came across on the weekend that Quentin had come to collect the last of his things. She was so entranced re-reading her own plans that she hadn’t even heard him try to talk her into reconsidering ending the relationship as she shut the door in his face.

She had printed out menus of the restaurants the characters ate at, practically memorized the layout of the motel they stayed in at one point in the story when Carol’s father’s home was burned down by an aggressive lone werewolf looking to get revenge on the tribe for forcing him out. She had bought a map of the area and cut Spoonerville out and marked the real life locations of every store, every landmark, and every character home that actually existed, and in the decade since the novels were released, there were more ‘real life’ locations than there had ever been before, and she was going to visit every, single, one.

She had had it planned for years, but Denille was finally ready for the vacation she had been dreaming about, to be come the best memories of her entire life. 

Spoonerville: Teaser

Humans have short memories, each generation forgetting the horrors of the one before it. Over time they learned to compensate with stories and songs, writing and presenting, recording their past, reaching as far back as possible to define the things that sit just beyond the edges of human existence. The things we fear are older than our oldest memories, and the land we share with those things is older than us all.

There was nothing hip, cool, or new about the town of Spoonerville. It was a little logging town bordered on the west by the Pacific Ocean, the north, east, and most of the south by National park land which included a massive dormant volcano. The rest of the south was a native reservation so small most folks never would have known it was there.

But folks knew about the native reservation, and the national forests, and the ocean, and the volcano. 

Spoonerville was the very real town where a very fake paranormal romance took place in a very popular book series, read by a very large number of girls and surprisingly large number of women.

The book talked about the area but the author had never been there. She discovered the town by throwing requirements into Google and uncovering the disturbingly boring town. She imagined werewolves and vampires living secret lives among the humans and falling in love with disturbingly ordinary girls who turned out to be disturbingly spectacular at everything they did, from moping to being vampires.

The author never knew what she had uncovered, the balance she had upset. She had no real respect for the underlying legends she filled her narratives with and never gave the attention the town got a second thought.

Thousands of people flocked to Spoonerville every year, expecting to see Oceanside, the nearby city where the movies were filmed. Most were upset that while the books did not over exaggerate the town the story was set in, it did not under exaggerate the town either. There were no almost famous hole in the wall restaurants, or trendy coffee shops, or cool teen hangouts. Spoonerville is, was, and always had been a logging town and nothing more. 

And so the diehard fans came to get their selfies taken in front of the Spoonerville sign and many even ventured out to the beaches the characters visited in the novels, only to discover that Quora beach was not the kind of place anyone who wished to live, would ever willingly surf.

Rodney Edgars’ family had ancient roots in Spoonerville. Roots his mother and father never wanted him to know about. Which is why they had never visited, never called, and never talked about the town. If it weren’t for the car accident that killed Rodney’s parents the summer before his junior year of high school, he probably would never have known Spoonerville ever actually existed.

But once the state shipped him off to live with his grandmother, Spoonerville became a very real place. The quirky towns folk became real, the annoying tourists became real, the native tribe became real, the beach with the angry ocean became real, the songs the ocean sang when the tide wasn’t raging became real, the laughter from something just behind the furthest trees became real, and deep in the woods, somewhere under the ancient volcano, the timeless hunger became real.

And Rodney Edgars learned that when terrors older than human memory are real, they see humans serving only one purpose, and it isn’t romantic.

Beginning September 20^th, take a tour of a little town where traditions are upheld, nature is respected, and everything closes at dusk for a damn good reason.

Welcome to Spoonerville.